Goodbye

Dear little pea, thank you for once being there in me. I felt your presence and I was truly happy. You make me eat healthier during lunch breaks and i stopped snacking junk food in between meals. You also made me decided to keep fit and stop being lazy. Now that you are not strong, you choose to leave me. I know and I can understand. It is part and parcel of my life. You were a gift to me. You taught me a lesson and you were free to go. Thank you for not causing much pain to me. You are a gentle little one. I love you. I will grieve for you for a few days, and then I will be strong and continue walking down this path. I will not give up, coz I know that you will be back to me sooner or later.

Downs and downs

I'm so worried right now. Spotting had turned into bleeding this morning. I was shocked when I see my pantyliner half soaked in blood. I called the gynae immediately. The nurse said she will consult the doctor and return my call for advice. It's been 45mins. I received no call. I called again to ask... but only to ask me to wait further.

I am so tired. I have been holding back and staying strong. I am on the verge of breaking down. Waiting and guessing is draining me...

Supposedly 6 weeks and 2 days

I had stomach cramp yesterday morning. I know it's stomach and not tummy. I took 2 hours leave in the morning (to avoid going out in heavy rain as well) rested and had light breakfast. I was feeling fine when I head off to work.

Just as I went to the toilet after lunch, I was shocked to see my panty with blood spots. I wipe and found more. I was worried. I told ZX and YT and dear immediately. ZX and YT were the only ones who can give me advice. In the end, we decided to go walk in to see my Gynae at NUH, coz I was worried.

I waited for more than 2 hours to let her finish off her appts. She did a V scan and said that she couldnt find the sac. I was worried and anxious. Why is this so? She gave me a few possibilities.. like it is still early, or hope it is not ectopic or probably there is something formed, but not developed. My heart dropped. I couldnt think properly.

I took a HCG blood test and will be going back again to take another blood test. If I am indeed preg, my HCG should doubled in 48hrs time. This 2 days wait will be a torture for me. I was not given any medications. I was so worried and sad. I thought of all possibilities towards the negative side.

*SNAP*

I had forgotten that dear was with me all along. He stood by me, accompanying me, footing the bill etc. He was encouraging me, trying to make me laugh and talked to me, give me hugs. He was supportive (but i gave him the black face). He was worried as well, but he chose to suppress it coz someone need to have a clear mind. If not for him, I think I will break down. Thank you my love.

I also want to thank my friends, who gave me advices. Those were much needed too.

So dear little pea, if you are in mummy's tummy, do stay strong and healthy ok? Just want to let you know that today is mummy and daddy's ROM wedding 2nd anniversary. :)

First Appt Date

My first appt date was initially scheduled on 8th March, after the nurse calculated the number of weeks into pregnancy. However, dear will be away in Japan for Biz trip... I was thinking that I can go alone because I was anxious to see my little one... But after reconsidering, I decided to change the appt date to 12th Mar, after dear comes back from his trip. He is also anxious to see our little one too. :)

The First Post

Hm.. how should I start this? Probably right from the beginning when I decided to put my heart into making baby process. I heeded YT's suggestion, downloaded the fertilityfriend.com iphone app, and then start recording my basal temperature at every morning. It was a tedious process. To make the readings more accurate, I need to be awake everyday at the same time, even on weekends, when I don't have to work. It was not easy, but I did it anyway. Recorded my temperature every day, recorded the days we did etc.. This was my first chart and it was around chinese new year.. so I am still not sure when was my fertile window.. so randomly we just did it when we were in Penang. This is my chart.

So I keep monitoring and monitoring in hope to see my trend and then I will be ready when I start recording my 2nd cycle. Even when there's a drop in temperature at the later part of my cycle, I didnt treat it as anything special (later I found out that dip in temperature was the day when the fertilized egg embeds into the uterus lining). Then just a few days later, I had spotting.. and I thought that my menses came. I was disappointed, but still hopeful for the next cycle.

Never did I expect, the spotting was only for a day... and subsequently, my basal temperature was high throughout.. at that particular moment, I suspected that I was pregnant, according to what I read about the triphasic basal temperature chart. I took cheap pregnancy test kit 2 days before my expected menses date, but was negative.. I was disappointed.. then I missed my expected menses date.. tested again and was negative. I was worried. I strongly believed that I was pregnant.. but why doesnt it shows up in the tests? I guess I was too anxious... 

Last resort, I went to buy clearblue test kits. Tested 2 days later. Slight positive! Was still unsure about it initially... but deep down inside us, we were very happy.

I confirmed again by a 2nd clearblue test yesterday morning and the positive was clear. Precise. I am pregnant! Shared the joy with my family member later in the afternoon.. and my close colleagues. So to play safe, my US conference trip in March will be cancelled. Nice Dr M not only understands me, and he said that the company can bear the cancellation charges. He is so nice!!!