Dear little pea, how are you now? It has been 36 days since you left me. I still miss you. You know what, mummy's colleague little bean left her too... Just shortly after u left. It was a very sad moment. She reminded u to me once again. The pain n sadness, it's not easy.
She told me she felt uncomfortable working in the lab now. Coz she found a lot of chemicals that have the potential to make pregnant mums lost their beanies or cause deformities or even infertility. I am now so afraid. I was wondering if it is the nature of my job that caused u to leave me, or it's simply my own weak body.
My colleague wanted to quit her job. She wants to eliminate this potential cause. She had influenced me. I felt that responsibility too. I cannot afford nor bare to face having another miscarriage. I am in a dilemma.
Yesterday, I sat quietly and thought to myself. If I changed job, I have to wait after 3 months before I can get preg again. I do not wish to wait. I want to have you back as soon as I can. So I made my decision. I will try again. I will give myself another chance - In this lab environment. I will be extremely careful when handling potential hazards. I have to brace for whatever it may come. It may sound easy but it's not. It is my desire to see you that gave me the courage. I hope my decision is the correct one. I have to put down in words so next time when I'm lost, I can simply refer back here and find myself again.
Dear little pea, please give both of us a chance. I love you and I miss you.
:)
