Taking a little time day by day

I have no time to myself after work. Probably only on weekends. I used to complain how I miss those me times and couple times before I had Kai, right now those thoughts were gone. He has slowly become part of my life that I can't do without. I guess for me having those thoughts back then its when becoming a new mummy is stressful n overwhelming. I'm glad that all those thoughts were far away right now.

Frankly speaking, I love Kai more right now after I knew about his heart condition. Though not life threatening, no one can give us a guarantee. I treasure everyday, every smile I have with him.. not to forget, showering him with lots of love and concern. 

My heart n mind was near to a crumble when last Monday Kai fell ill. Flu infection may be common for all babies... But my baby is special. He may be more at a risk compared to others. I was doubly worried. Dear is away on biz trip and I had to be the decision maker. Like, when to bring him to the clinic, when to go a&e, whether to admit him for observation etc. seeing his heart rate doubled and hearing him scream n cry that very moment I put him down n nurses ushered me out for them to have mucus suction, my heart felt like thousands of needles. I'm sure my mother in law felt it too. 

I decided to bring him back home coz i want him to rest more at a familiar environment. My mil and I carried him to sleep that day coz he doesn't want to be put down. I guess it's the combination of having block nose and can't breathe well upon lying down, or he was traumatized by the mucus suction procedures and doesn't want to let us go. Even when I'm typing this post and recall those events, my heart aches and tears welled up.

I have to be strong for my little one, especially when dear is not around. I was so desperate that I tried all means to make him feel better.. Texting Suz for sending Kai reiki on top of mine, trying to suck out mucus using my mouth directly to his nose when the gadgets I have at home were useless. After all those crazy days, lack of sleep, anxiety, endless worries, I'm glad that Kai is now better.

A follow up on thurs at nuh said he was cleared of lungs fluid retention, and his heart is stable. We were so glad. Though his cough or block nose may linger for another week or so. Dear is coming home today and I'm so looking forward.